Detachment: It's Time to Let Go and Live
Updated: Jul 6, 2020
Looking into to the mirror and not liking what we see is one thing. Looking into the depths of our mind, soul, circle, influences, and life and not liking what we see and feel is another. It's great to acknowledge that we all have components we need to work on and things we need to overcome in order to be free and grow. However, it's accepting the truth, stepping out of our comfort zones, and taking the necessary steps to prune and propel ourselves that makes the difference. We can't break strongholds if we keep entertaining them, and we can't breathe new life if we stay connected to things that are dead. Sometimes it takes detachment to develop into the people we're destined to become.
With growth always comes transition, revelation, and responsibility. We will endure seasons where we realize some peoples' place in our lives have expired, and that holding on to them is only holding ourselves back. We will face chapters where we self assess and discover that our own ways and outlooks are our biggest downfalls. With each lesson and observation, we are responsible for making decisions and revisions for our overall good. Our approach, dedication, and energy dictates the success or suffering we will experience.
Grudges Hinder Healing
A different outcome unfolds wherever we to detach versus holding a grudge. Whenever we hold a grudge against someone, our attachment to them only changes shape. We may get a sick dose of happiness whenever we hear of the failures, pains, and lack of success in the lives of those we dislike, but that hype is short lived whenever we realize that person still has a degree of power of us. Their presence, performance, and existence has the capability to disrupt our peace and distracts us from our alignment that we should be focusing on. That is the furthest thing from healing, and we are essentially prolonging our own suffering. Grudges are emotional strongholds forms out of a place of hate.
However, detachment comes from a place of self-love. Whenever we make the conscious decision and put forth effort to detach from someone or something, the negative feelings detach with them. The urge to seek revenge, aim to argue, and pressure for us to proclaim our perspective subsides as well. In the end, we completely stop looking for people pleasing and perfection. In some cases we can even forgive, pray for and love those people from as distance, but more than anything we want peace, protection, and balance so that we can walk away stronger with lessons learned, lighter weights, and healthy boundaries.
Mourning in the Move
Detachment is more complex than just cutting off and not caring. It's also not the simple, instantaneous action that social media, movies, and music portrays. Depending on the person, situation, or influence, detaching can be a life altering and seemingly excruciating process to bear. For most of us, it takes an extended period of time, multiple mental chances, and the presence of great pain before we seek to break all ties with anything in us or anyone around us. We experience times of confusion, loss, and even guilt not only because detachment can be an emotional roller coaster and feels foreign to us, but also because it's oftentimes misunderstood and judged by others.
Sometimes washing our hands of anything, even though we know without a doubt best for us, feels wrong. Routines, loyalty, and familiarity trick us into believing that we have to feed life into unhealthy rituals and relationships, and that releasing them is somehow selfish, evil, and inconsiderate. It feels like a piece of us has died, because essentially it has. Even more so, what we were attached to loses its life source.
For much of my life I battled a spirit of rejection. A spirit that made me strive to be perfect, people please, and fear the idea of loss in any form. In my mind, parting ways with friends, missing out on events, or not being accepted well by others meant that I was failing or lacking in some capacity. It was as if I had to be deemed good enough by everyone else so I needed to act, react, and present myself accordingly. The problem was I felt I had everyone and everything, but didn't have myself. It took mental and spiritual counseling for me to accept and address my ways that I needed to part with and to identify the attachments and connections in my life.
Whenever I stopped tolerating toxicity within myself, it was critical that I cut ties with anything and anyone that was toxic as well. As painful, surprising, and difficult as those revelations were, God made sure to expose just what and who I needed to detach from. It took so much time and countless tears, but I had to learn the hard way that not everyone and everything is for me and they shouldn't be. I also had to learn that I needed to give it all to God without taking it back, be still, and let Him handle things. No, not everyone understands, but I know and have seen firsthand how much I've grown without the dead weight. I'm happier and healthier because of it.
Detaching and detoxing is less about giving up, and more about giving yourself a chance at health, harmony, and healing.