Why Fake Love Teaches Real Lessons
Updated: Jul 6, 2020
Words are powerful. They have the power to speak life and death over ourselves, express compassion to someone in chaos, and even make deals binding. The words we speak hold power, value, and hope if we use them correctly and follow up with their supportive actions. However, saying and not showing what we articulated yields a completely different response. Which brings us to our topic: love.
The word “love” once stood for an emotion, bond, or connection that was so unique it reserved a respect and league of its own. However, nowadays it tends to be thrown out by people that can easily state it but are somehow clueless of its meaning or seemingly incapable of reciprocating it. But before you cross that thin line between love and hate, take a step back from the mess and look at the bigger message. Sometimes it takes a fake love from the world to make you search for real love within yourself.
Anyone Can Say That They Love You, But Will They Show It?
Three words, one meaning, misused by millions of people. It’s said by friends that are always up to party with you, but can never quite find the time or care to pray for you. It's stated by family that enjoys your company and all that you have to offer, yet are crickets whenever you need their support, open mind, or presence for once. Want to see if someone loves you? Try falling short, enduring a low point in life or losing it all. Try failing in some capacity, struggle to get it together, or enter a depression. Then look around. See who is there for you when you hit rock bottom. See who can hear the cries in your silence or the scream behind your smile.
In the same example, try succeeding in life, experiencing exponential personal growth, or walking into a season of abundance. Have a baby, get married, or graduate from college. See who is there to cheer you on versus those that critique every move you make. See those who could never quite make it to your accomplishments or favorably react to your good news, yet are always ready to hear about your problems and have front row seats to your destruction. Pay attention! People can always show you better than they can tell you.
Anger and Actualization
The same “family and friends” that so effortlessly used to ask you for advice, love, food, money, clothes, support, help, or to hangout are the same people that somehow don’t have a minute to spare for you. The same people that invited you to their table are somehow now sitting around a table discussing you and never once ask for your side, take, or consider your feelings. The same people you protected, preserved, and provided for are without an ounce of regret or respect pushing you away. That’s the kind of fake love that makes people react in the craziest of ways and lose trust in the world.
To say it’s painful and oftentimes infuriating is an understatement, but that’s the point of it all. It teaches us to gain a greater appreciation for our real loved ones and better preserve ourselves. Yes, we're angry and may even feel alone, but that pain is needed. No one belongs to us. We can’t control anyone, make them see or receive a truth that they don’t want, or elevate a perspective of another person. All we can do is learn, grow, and remember that all revelation is for a reason and every relationship has a season. We must take our lessons and level up with them.
Face and Fix Yourself
I would be lying if I said it didn’t take me much longer than it should have to put my feelings away and see the facts of life and the season of lessons I was in. It’s said that sometimes the things that break your heart fix your vision and I couldn’t agree more. I was too trusting and too blind of a person to see the one sided relationships or my own insecurity that had me even associating with some people.
Whether blood related, long time friends, or byproducts of my relationship, I couldn’t discern attachments opposed to connections until I couldn’t ignore it. Until I had to learn that not everyone is my friend and not everyone should be. I needed to be “that person” for myself and not depend or expect love, loyalty, or care from anyone but myself. I had to search, accept, and enhance myself.
Not Everyone Will Clap for You. Learn to Clap for Yourself
Because of my lessons, I don’t desire or need anyone to like me or state that they do. I don’t need people putting me on a pedestal, calling me their bestie, referring to me as their sister, doting that they so say look at me as a daughter or claiming to be a part of my circle. I’ve been there, done that, and learned that those empty titles only excited my once need for validation and acceptance. That version of myself has expired and so has the tolerance for opportunistic or conditional love.
I don’t need anyone to clap for me, support me, or pose like they are in my corner. I’ve got me, God’s got me, and that’s enough. I know who my real people are and I know who they aren’t. I am and will continue to be good.
Fact is, fake love is not allowed into your life to simply destroy you. There is a real lesson to be gained from every person and experience. It should help develop your character and teach you that above all else, you need to be real with yourself. Let it go, leave with the lessons, and love yourself. All things work for your good if you let them.